


Time to Pretend

by kyoselflove



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Angst and Humor, Band Fic, Drama, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Language, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 07:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1379416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toshiya finds himself in a very awkward position...in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The door swung open slowly accompanied by a loud thud as takeout food hit the floor. Toshiya stopped momentarily out of breath, looking towards the door he saw Kaoru standing there. As they locked eyes, Toshiya could feel the heartbroken look send chills down his body. Then within seconds he was gone, unknown to Kouyou who was currently making the bassist’s body one with his own.   
  
Toshiya pushed the guitarist off of him, his fists curling, turning white. “Fuck.” He let out in a whisper.  
  
“Exactly, what the fuck?” Kouyou asked, his eyes wide.  
  
“Get out.” Toshiya said quietly, thoughts racing through his mind.  
  
“What?” Kouyou asked innocently.  
  
“I said get the fuck out!” The bassist screamed this time, his voice almost shaking.  
  
The guitarist was shocked, slowly gathering his clothes off the floor; he tried to put them on recklessly. Stopping momentarily he noticed a bag of take out food on the floor, along with the door being open wide, he glanced at Toshiya only to see the man in deep thought. Finally he pushed through the doorway and gave the door a loud slam before heading off.  
  
Toshyia let out a long sigh, thinking to himself what he had done. He pondered his future, if he was still in the band or what Kaoru must think of him. Was Kaoru’s look of disappointment or could it be that of something Toshiya has been longing for?  
  
He fell back onto the mattress, letting out a small scream into the pillow. Then he glanced towards the takeout on the floor, what a waste, he thought. Hands trembling he reached for his phone, bringing up Kaoru on the contacts list. It felt as though he stared at the kanji of Kaoru’s name forever, would he even answer?  
  
 _I’m sorry._  
  
Then he clicked send. The bassist was overcome with guilt; although he felt also he should be angry instead. Letting out a groan he got up from the bed and began putting his clothes back on, even though he desperately needed a shower. Looking in the mirror placed on the wall he made sure to put his hair back in its place. Then he headed for the door, ignoring the food lying on the floor.  
  
  
Toshiya was thinking about heading to Kaoru’s apartment but somehow ended up in a district he didn’t recognize, realizing he had been walking around for probably hours. He jumped when he felt his phone vibrating against his thigh. The phone almost fell from his grip as he nervously opened it, on the screen read an email from Kouyou, immediately Toshiya felt his heart sink in disappointment.   
  
 _Please talk to me._  
  
Toshiya shut his phone; he couldn’t do this right now. Finally he made up his mind and headed back home. As he turned down his road, he felt another vibration from his phone.  
  
 _I’m sorry too._  
  
His footsteps seizing along with his breath, the message was from Kaoru. He turned around and starting towards Kaoru’s apartment, not noticing that it began to rain. It took him about 45 minutes but he was there, soaking wet, knuckles reading to knock on the door. Taking a deep breath he finally knocked, waiting for what seemed an eternity.   
  
The door slowly opened to reveal Kaoru, messy hair and pajamas fit the man well.  
  
“Toshiya…” Kaoru said startled, his voice trailing off as though he wanted to say more.  
  
“I’m sorry about the food.” Toshiya blurted out, then immediately wanting to hit himself in the head.  
  
Surprisingly it earned a chuckle from Kaoru, he opened the door wider to let the bassist inside.  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t call first. And maybe you should lock your door.” Kaoru smirked.  
  
Toshiya only nodded with a smile, completely embarrassed and wondering what could possibly be going through Kaoru’s mind.   
  
They sat and chatted awhile; Toshiya’s heart was slowing aching. Did Kaoru run away because of embarrassment? Saying he was sorry, only because he thought he was interrupting? He felt disappointed in letting himself believe that Kaoru could have been upset because just maybe he loved Toshiya the way band members shouldn’t love another.   
  
“I should go, it’s already late.” Toshiya said as normally as possible, masking his face to be happy.  
  
Kaoru only nodded, walking the bassist to the door. “Goodnight.”   
  
Toshiya bowed, whispered a goodnight and practically ran out the door.  
  
  
  
Awaking the next morning, Toshiya stared at the ceiling; he didn’t want to leave the bed. He had never felt so embarrassed before in his life. Was it so bad that he was more embarrassed that Kaoru did not share the same feelings instead of him catching him in the act of sex, with another man?  
  
His cell phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts, without looking he answered.  
  
“Hello.”  
  
“Toshiya, please don’t hang up!” He heard the desperate voice coming from Kouyou.  
  
He remained silent.  
  
“I don’t know who saw us, but obviously you are upset. Can we please talk?” The guitarist pleaded.  
  
“Fine, come over.” Toshiya let out, he couldn’t avoid Kouyou forever.  
  
“Thank you!” He could hear the excitement in the other’s voice, making Toshiya hang his head in defeat.  
  
After hanging up the phone, Toshiya lazily cleaned up his apartment. It didn’t seem that much longer there was a knock at the door. He felt if this were a movie, it would be Kaoru standing behind that door. To his disappointment of course it was no other than Kouyou.  
  
“Okay, straight to the point! Who was it?” Kouyou said to cheerfully.  
  
“Do you not care about our careers at all?” The bassist snarled.  
  
Kouyou pouted, giving a nudge to the other man. “Come on, don’t be like that. If anything, wouldn’t it make our careers better?” Flashing his best sexy smile.  
  
Toshiya scoffed. “It was Kaoru.”  
  
Suddenly the smile disappeared from the guitarists face. “Oh.”  
  
“Oh? That’s all.”  
  
“Well, I wasn’t expecting it to be the almighty Kaoru-sama, out of all the people you know, really? Him?!” Kouyou was flinging his arms in the air, his face showing utter terror.  
  
“How am I supposed to go to band practice now?” Toshiya whined.  
  
“Did you tell him?” Kouyou questioned.  
  
“Tell him what?”  
  
“That you love him.” The guitarist said seriously.   
  
“Of course not!” Toshiya shouted.  
  
“Well, how do you expect this to go anywhere if you don’t tell him!”  
  
“What does it matter? Now he thinks we are together.” Toshiya pouted.  
  
Kouyou showed a fake pained face, and then laughed. “Maybe I should tell him then.”  
  
“Hell no!” The bassist said plopping down on his bed, Kouyou soon joining him.  
  
“I can help you relieve your stress.” Toshiya felt the lips on his ear, earning him a shudder. Then he could feel light kisses along his neck. The bassist pushed Kouyou away, gently this time.  
  
“No, we need to stop this.” He said firmly.  
  
“But what about me? Do you not care at all? I’m here and he isn’t.” Kouyou said quietly, Toshiya felt guiltiness fill him up as he heard the hurt in the other’s voice.   
  
Toshiya stayed silent, it’s true that Kouyou was here, would Kaoru ever be? He didn’t want to be alone. Maybe he loved Kouyou but he wasn’t in love, he felt he could never love anyone as much as Kaoru.  
  
“You are so selfish.” The guitarist stated, pushing himself off the bed. Heading towards the door, then hesitantly he said, “Call me if you change your mind.”  
  
And with that Kouyou was gone too. Toshiya knew he would no longer be accepting their poor example of a relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks passed by since Kouyou left, and everything seemed to fall into a lonely routine.  If he called Kouyou, he would have to give up on Kaoru.  A part of him new that he couldn’t do that, Kaoru was everything to him.  But was it worth it, even though a romantic relationship with Kaoru seemed impossible?  
  
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”  He grasped his head with his hands.  
  
He thought to himself, that he was indeed very selfish.  Frowning to himself, he realized what a spoiled brat he has become.  What was so wrong with wanting great casual sex while waiting for the one he loved to swoop him off his feet?  He was a man after all.  
  
Band practice was starting soon; lazily he made his way to get ready for work.  
  
  
Toshiya held is bass tightly as he walked into the practice room, this was the first time he saw Kaoru since he was at his house that one night.   And there that handsome man stood, Toshiya realized he was dreamily staring at the guitarist, quickly glancing away he made a move to his spot.  Suddenly, the bassist felt extremely nervous and clumsily tripped over his own feet nearly hitting the ground, the bass was safe.  
  
Toshiya let out an audible sigh, clutching the bass tightly.  
  
“Are you okay?”  Kaoru asked as a smile sneaked on his face.  
  
“I’m fine!”  Toshiya said quickly.  
  
Kyo let out a laugh, and then everyone got back to setting up their equipment.  
  
The rest of practice went without any other embarrassing events; finally it was time to go back to his sanctuary to continue his sulking.  Kaoru’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.  
  
“You want to go get a drink?”  
  
Toshiya blinked, looked towards his other band mates leaving. As calmly as he could he nodded with a smile.  
The bar that Kaoru brought them to was loud, and a little dark.  The bassist tried to keep himself composed as they sat at a little booth in the corner.  Kaoru ordered them some draft beers when the waitress approached, then his eyes met those of the bassist.  
  
“How have you been? Haven’t really talked to you awhile.”   
  
Toshiya shifted in his seat nervously, “Been good, sleeping a lot.” He let out a small panicky laugh.  He was completely messing this up.  
  
The waitress came back with their beers; Toshiya gladly took a large swig.  Trying hard to avoid the concerned gaze from his  _friend._    
  
“Toshiya, relax.  I’m not going to tell anybody about, you know.”  The guitarist whispered the last part.  
  
There was the ache in his heart again, that is what this was, a drink with nothing but a loyal friend.  Toshiya mentally slapped himself, why would it mean more?  
  
“Thanks.”  Toshiya said sheepishly, looking away.  
  
“What’s wrong”?  
  
“I don’t care about Kouyou.”  As soon as he said it he wished he could take it back.  He realized how cold he sounded; he did care about Kouyou just not as much as he cared about the man in front of him.  
  
“I mean there is nothing between us…” Toshiya hurriedly added, why was he saying all this exactly?  Looking at Kaoru, he noticed the man sat there listening intently with gentle eyes.   
  
“Toshiya, you don’t have to explain to me.”   
  
The bassist took another sip of his beer, feeling his body becoming warm as the alcohol starting to take effect.  
  
“Yes, I do.  Because…”  _I love you._ Toshiya felt a knot in his throat.  
  
“Are you sure you are alright?”  Again he heard the concern words escape those beautiful lips.  
  
“No, Kaoru.  I’m not alright.”  Toshiya’s voice was trembling, what was he thinking?  
  
Kaoru sat back, a look of shock on his face, as though he was expecting a normal answer.  
  
Toshiya willed himself to shut up as it was time to pretend.  Reluctantly he got up, glancing at Kaoru.   
  
“Thank you for the drink, I should go.”  
  
As he walked away he heard his name being called, but he kept walking.  He needed to pretend that he was nothing more than just Toshiya, not Toshiya who is madly in love.  
  
That night Toshiya cried himself to sleep, for the first time.  
  
  
When he awoke it was afternoon, not morning.  A slight headache lingered as he got up.  Taking his phone off the night table, he checked for messages, nothing.  Then he scrolled down to Kouyou’s name.  His thumb hovered over the call button.  
  
Toshiya threw the phone across the room, watched on as it broke into two pieces.  In that moment, he hated everyday he woke up and was reminded of how unhappy he truly was.  
  
A knock at his door brought him back to reality.  As he opened the door he was shocked to see Kouyou standing there with tear stained cheeks.  
  
“Kouyou?”  Toshiya said hesitantly.  
  
In that moment, it seemed there was nothing around them.  Just two heart broken men, lonely men, craving attention.   
  
Kouyou stepped inside, his hands instantly cupping Toshiya’s cheeks.  The Bassist avoided the other’s hurt eyes.  They rested each other’s foreheads against another, a loud sob irrupting from the guitarist.  Toshiya wrapped his arms around the man’s waist pulling him closer.   They held each other for a good while before Kouyou led pushed Toshiya against the wall with a deep kiss.   
  
A small moan escaped from the bassist’s mouth as his current lover ravished his neck, grinding against him.  This is all he needed now, right?  
  
Again Toshiya spent another night full of regret and pleasure with Kouyou.  
  
  
Again another morning, the sun wasn’t even shining and Toshiya lie there awake with a pair of arms cuddling him from behind.  It suddenly occurred to him that those arms belonged to Kouyou, and wondering if the other man was so upset because of him.  They didn’t exactly talk much last night.  
  
Toshiya felt horrible, his mind kept wondering to Kaoru as he lie here with another man.  Why did he let this happen?  
  
He shifted his position so he was facing Kouyou; the moonlight shaped his beautiful face into view.  Toshiya traced his fingers over those unique lips.  Why couldn’t he just love this guitarist?  Life always had to be so problematical.  
  
He remembered when he first met Kouyou, the guitarist coming up to him nervously after a live, saying how much of a fan he was.  Toshiya would have most likely ignored him if it weren’t for the fact the other was also in a band.  That night they had sex, and it was amazing.  Then it had become a routine for over a year.  
  
Kouyou shifted in his sleep letting out a little whimper, surprising Toshiya out of his thoughts for a moment, only to gaze upon that stunning face again.  
  
The other man was a perfect affection of lust, always drawing him away from his real desire.  Toshiya felt the urge stronger than ever for Kaoru, physically hurting his heart.  He couldn’t pretend anymore, if it cost him a friendship or his career he couldn’t take it anymore.  He couldn’t do this to Kouyou anymore.  
  
Toshiya quietly made his way to the bathroom, turning on the light, shutting the door softly, followed by him sliding down the door to the floor.  He thought about the medicine cabinet that held pills of morphine, and then he realized his hands were clutching his phone.  When did he grab his phone?  
  
Should he make the pain go away or make it worse?  He opened his phone looking for Kaoru; he halted for a moment as he saw the kanji fill the screen.   
  
“Do it.”  Toshiya told himself.  
  
He held the phone in his hands firmly, glancing at the time at the top of the screen, 4:52 a.m.  _Fuck it._  
  
He hit call; the subtle sound of a ring tone filled his ears, what the fuck was he thinking?  It rang four times, and then led to Kaoru’s voicemail.  
  
Toshiya’s heart was pounding, as he kept dialing the same number over and over.   _Wake up._ He pleaded.  
  
“…Hello?”  Kaoru’s muffled voice finally filled his ears.  
  
“Kaoru.”  Toshiya whispered urgently.   
  
“Toshiya?”  Kaoru mumbled through a lethargic gaze.  
  
“I’m sorry, I just…need to talk to you.”  Toshiya rushed out.  
  
“You realize it is five in the morning right?”  It came out as a grumble, as if the guitarist was about to fall back asleep.  
  
“I know, I’m sorry.”  Whispering quietly, Toshiya tried to hold back his tears, his throat swelling with pain.  
  
“Can I come over?  I’d rather talk in person.”  Toshiya’s mind was racing, as was his heart.  
  
“Yeah, sure.”  Kaoru said more awake now.  
  
“Okay, thank you.  See you in about an hour?”  Toshiya said quietly his thumb tapping rapidly on the bathroom floor.  
  
“Okay, bye.”  Kaoru said, then he hung up.  
  
Toshiya got up from the floor; trying to avoid his reflection in the mirror he washed his face and teeth.  As he exited the bathroom, he noticed the guitarist in his bed was sitting up, looking away from the bassist.   
  
Before grabbing a pair of pants out of his drawers, he looked at the man on his bed, slightly trembling and broken.  Toshiya let out a sigh pulling his pants up.  He dragged a long sleeve shirt over his body, loosely falling off his shoulders.  
  
Walking over to Kouyou, who would still not look at him, he gently placed a kiss on top off the guitarist’s head before heading out the door, ignoring the sobs coming from his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

On his way to the train station, he realized that the sun was shining through the dark clouds that had been plaguing Tokyo for over two weeks.  A smile graced his lips, taking it as a sign for the better.  As he boarded the train towards Kaoru’s apartment he found himself happily tapping his fingers lightly on his chin.  He couldn’t quite understand why he was so happy, he just broke the heart of a dear friend slash fuck buddy and he was about to confess his love to one of his best friends, who will probably flat out reject him.  
  
Still he hung onto what little hope he had for a happy ending with Kaoru.  He caught himself still smiling, probably looking like a lunatic on drugs to those on board the train, but he didn’t care.  He was tried of pretending.  
  
A ding on the train intercom was letting him know that it was his stop; he walked out of the train and started the short walk to Kaoru’s apartment.  
  
Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door, hearing the other man shuffling around to get the door, Toshiya felt his heart beat start racing.  _This was it._  
  
The door opened revealing a recently showered and incredibly sexy Kaoru.   Toshiya took a moment to comprehend how long the man’s hair had become and that undeniable facial hair.   All the happiness and confidence left his body and he suddenly froze.  
  
“Come on in Toshiya.”  Kaoru had already stepped away from the door, his arm leading the way into what would become Toshiya’s nightmare or dream come true.  
  
Toshiya walked into the apartment awkwardly, almost tripping over his own feet, and then decided to settle on the couch.  His fingers were fidgeting with the tears in his jeans, trying to calm his nerves.  Reluctantly his gaze rose to the other’s, looking at the expectant face, Toshiya stuttered.  
  
“K-Kaoru…” Taking another deep breath, his eyes still met with the guitarists and how they were waiting for him to continue, Toshiya began to shake very slightly, unnoticed by the other.  Had Kaoru been so oblivious to his feelings?  He was hoping the other would silence him with a kiss, nothing needing to be explained.  But Kaoru sat there patiently waiting for him to continue.  
  
“I…love you.”  Toshiya managed to whisper, his eyes never leaving Kaoru’s.  He noticed a slight surprise in the other’s eyes but kind eyes soon replaced it.  
  
“Toshiya, come on seriously what’s going on with you?  Why are you at my apartment at six in the morning?”  The voice sounding troubled.  
  
Toshiya let out a sob mixed with a laugh; the other was not only oblivious but dense as well.  He held his head in his hands for a few moments, gathering the strength to move on.  Lifting his head up, he shifted on the couch so the empty space between them now filled.  He could feel Kaoru’s warmth, as he was so close.  _So close._  
  
Only mere inches away from Kaoru’s face, Toshiya whispered in his sultry voice, “I want you to make love to me.”  
  
Before Kaoru could react the bassist pressed his lips firmly but gently upon the other’s, placing his hand on the back of the guitarist’s head he pulled him into a ravenous kiss.  One that Kaoru was not responding to, but not pushing away either.  
  
Toshiya separated from the kiss, his breath haggard.  He found that his other hand was lying upon the other’s hip, his chest pushed against the other’s chest.  Heartbeats combing with one, Toshiya sighed.  In that moment he realized that Kaoru was holding him, the bassists face buried into his shoulder.  He could feel Kaoru’s steady heartbeat against his own racing one.  _What is he thinking?_  
  
Calloused hands cupped his face bringing him into a loving kiss, his heart fluttered.  _Kaoru was kissing back._  
  
That was all he needed, his hand tangled, lost in the other’s long locks as he made the kiss more heated, desperate. Toshiya was holding onto his love as if it were the last time they would be together, an overwhelming need overcoming him.  
  
Kaoru pushed him down lying back on the couch, their lips never once disconnecting.  Becoming sloppier, taking in little breathes while still connected; he didn’t want to loose him even for a second.  
  
His growing arousal brushed against the guitarist’s resulting in a whimper of delight and anguish.  He didn’t know how much more he could take, already feeling on the edge.  
  
It felt like hours, both of their lips swollen still in a fervent kiss and clothed erections rubbing alongside one another, Toshiya felt like he could release himself at any moment, his mind becoming hazy not one with reality.  _Kaoru was his ecstasy._  
  
Making sure not to break the longest, sexist kiss he had ever experienced, he quickly undid the guitarist’s pants bringing out his member, stroking it softly as Kaoru kept his pace of thrusting into his hands.  He could feel the man on top of him tremble slightly, in which he stopped jerking off the guitarist, not wanting him to cum just yet.  
  
Kaoru broke their bruising kiss, as he helped get rid of both of their clothes, as quickly as possible, now both of them lay on the couch naked.  
  
Toshiya was out of breath, his skin on fire wherever Kaoru’s skin was touching his own.  He looked into those tender eyes as he elegantly spit into his hand, rubbing it over Kaoru’s cock, earning a loud moan from said man.  He didn’t care if it would hurt; he needed this now more than ever.  Placing his lovers dick at his tight entrance, he shoved himself upon it, gasping in pain as it filled him whole.  
His body was quivering; just having Kaoru inside him was pleasure enough, the pain meant nothing compared to the desire he was experiencing.  He couldn’t see the guitarists face as his teeth sunk into the other’s shoulders, but he could hear his uneven breath, feeling light kisses on his neck.  
  
Toshiya whimpered audibly like an adolescent, as Kaoru began moving back and forth.  It felt as though it was the first time, nothing mattered, except the man inside him.  
  
Both of their breathing becoming louder as Kaoru quickened his pace.  Every time he hit that spot deep inside him, Toshiya squirmed and expressed his pleasure quite deafeningly.  He couldn’t help it, as much as he tried to be quiet, there was no point.  This man was doing ungodly pleasures to him, and he didn’t care who heard him.  
  
Their pace had become so reckless, the couch was moving across the wooden floor with each thrust.  Toshiya couldn’t take it anymore, the pleasure over taking him with a tremor; he came on both of their abdomens.  He made sure to tighten around the other man as tightly as possible, soon feeling the guitarist fill him up.  Kaoru made a groan as he came, collapsing on top of Toshiya.  
  
The warmth filling Toshiya was enough to send another shiver through his body, his breath evening out.  Kaoru on the other hand, head lying on Toshiya’s shoulder, trying to steady his breath.  
  
Waiting for Kaoru to recover, he glanced at the clock on the adjacent wall, it read almost nine-thirty.  
  
“Fuck!”  Toshiya shrieked, practically throwing Kaoru off him, he tried to gather his clothes, ignoring the white sticky substance leaking down his thighs.  They were supposed to be at practice at eight, and when Kaoru didn’t show up to practice usually the band would…  
  
There was a knock at the door.  Toshiya’s fears coming true, Kaoru looked at him with wide eyes also trying to put his clothes back on as fast as possible.  
  
“Just a minute!”  Kaoru yelled to the door while buttoning his pants.  
  
“Kaoru, what the fuck!”  They both heard Kyo’s aggravated voice.  
  
Toshiya didn’t know what to do so he ran into Kaoru’s bedroom shutting the door. Kaoru just looking at him in disbelief, either way the guitarist went to open the entrance when he became fully clothed, his band members standing there looking moderately distressed.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry, are we interrupting something?”  Kyo said in a malice voice.  
  
“I’m sorry, I got caught up with something.”  Kaoru rushed out, bowing.  
  
“You mean caught in something.”  Kyo smirked, looking at Kaoru’s obvious after sex appearance.  His pants buttons did unevenly, beads of sweat coming out of every pore.  
  
Kaoru sighed, “Okay, can we just cancel until tomorrow?”  
  
“Sounds good to me!”  Die piped in, Shinya agreeing with a nod hiding his face with embarrassment.  
  
“Yeah, and maybe you could let Toshiya know that also.”  Kyo said cunningly.  The other members not picking up on his tone, but Kaoru flushed immediately.  
  
Bidding everyone a farewell, Kaoru closed the front door, and walked into his bedroom, only to find the lovely creature fast asleep in his bed.  Quietly he disposed of his clothes and made his way under the covers, curling up to Toshiya’s sleeping frame.  
  
“I love you too.”  Kaoru whispered into Toshiya’s ear, giving it a slight kiss.  Sleep soon taking over him.  
  
Toshiya smiled in his sleep, pushing himself closer to the love of his life.  No need to pretend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I did it. I finished a fic and it's been 4 years since I wrote. This fic was probably completely pointless as the plot was shit lol. I know I suck a tenses, past present, whatever! English is not my strong suit, even if it is my first language. And what do you know....SEX. Of course I couldn't let this be PG-13 forever, silly me. On a positive note, no one died xP
> 
> I feel bad for Kouyou, I wanted him to end up with Toshiya but for the sake of my first and last love Kaoru/Toshiya it was xD Again, at least I didn't kill him, lol. As I seem to love to do...
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed this, and remember, COMMENTS ARE SUPER LOVE <3!


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